Welcome back to Riding the Wave.
This week I wanted to write about being kind to yourself and maybe tell you my own personal experience with this.
If you are like me and you know that no matter what you do there is always going to be a part of yourself that will critique whatever it is you do.
In other words, you have an inner saboteur, then welcome to the club!
And trust me, we all have them!
I could fly to the moon and my inner saboteur will still tell me I didn’t do a good enough job.
Being kind to yourself is something that doesn’t always come naturally.
It definitely didn’t for me anyway.
Personally I had a deep hatred of myself from an early teenager until I was a young adult. There was a voice in my head that would tell me on a daily basis that I was worthless and nothing I did was ever going to change that.
Everything I would do, I would do it with a negative mindset about myself. I would question any compliment I would get and if I accomplished anything no matter how small, I would convince myself that I could of done better. I struggled with my self worth for so long that all I wanted was to be invisible. The anxiety I was feeling was just overwhelming!
My anxiety and my inner saboteur would go hand in hand and do everything they could to stop me from showing myself any form of kindness.
And it took me a long time to realise that this was not a normal or healthy mindset to have and that there is so much more to me than what my inner saboteur has to say.
I needed to stop giving it a voice!
I hated living like this!
I could see that I was turning to a bitter, cruel and spiteful person, and I didn’t want that.
I only want to be bitter sometimes 😉
So, I took sometime and started to show myself small kindnesses, for instance I would make the effort to do little things that I used to enjoy, like I started to sing in the shower again which was something I used to love to do but stopped because I didn’t feel like I had a good enough voice to do that. which is stupid because who cares lol
But I started to get to know Emily.
She is funny, bright, loving, beautiful and maybe a little bit too sarcastic at times.
And I really like Emily!
And I’m her, like she is me…
I started enjoying my own company, feeling more confident in my everyday life and finding new hobbies and passions.
Of course my inner saboteur is still there but instead of taking her word as gospel, I take care of her too. Whenever, I feel her pipping up. I always do what RuPaul says, I listen and say thank you for you opinion and she goes away again.
I still have a long journey ahead on the road of self-compassion but Rome wasn’t built in a day.
3 things I do when I need to show myself some kindness.
1. Self soothe – learning how to self soothe has changed my life! If I am having a bad day or feeling a bit overwhelmed , here are some things I will do to soothe myself:
- Take a long hot bath
- Make a hot drink and wrap up under a heavy blanket
- Set aside some time at the end of the day to do something that makes me happy
- Talk to myself and give myself a pep talk
2. Breathe – I find that taking even 2 minutes when I’m feeling overwhelmed to just breathe can make a massive difference.
3. Forgive myself – sometimes I forget that I am only human and humans make mistakes. If you find that you are always getting angry at yourself remember that no one can be perfect all the time and you can’t always blame yourself when things go wrong. Forgive yourself and move forward.
Your inner saboteur will always be there and we all have one but we just need to remember that we are all in a relationship for life with ourselves. So we need to be the best version of ourselves for ourselves <3
Dear future em,
I think you are great! I even think that our inner saboteur is great. That b**ch is funnny!
I hope you are having more luck with self-compassion than I did, I hope you are well and shinning like the star you are.
Be brave, be bold but most importantly be kind <3
Love, past em x