doing nothing…

here is more of my story

Hi friends!

I hope whoever is reading this is doing okay <3

Currently, I am sat in my teddy bear onesie with a cuppa, watching the office and I thought it’s been a few days since my last post, so why not do another! Still trying to get into a routine with this lol

So, how is everyone coping in this lockdown…

Personally, I have been having a long few days!

Which is code for I am being lazy!

I have been wrestling with feelings of guilt about doing nothing, to be honest. I feel like everyone has just got no energy right now!

I took my Fitbit off because I was so sick of it telling me to stand up every hour haha!

The only thing I have been doing for about a week is sitting on my sofa, binge-watching Netflix, and eating food.

I am trying very hard not to feel guilty about it but something inside me feels like I am wasting days doing nothing.

However, I was on Instagram the other night, and one of my favourite Instagrammers @_nelly_london_home

(she’s amazing! Go check her out!) https://www.instagram.com/_nelly_london/?hl=en

In her story, she was talking about how we need to be being kind to ourselves during this incredibly tough time, and she’s got a good point there, not gonna lie!

I feel like the reason I am feeling so guilty about not doing anything is that I have given up on being productive during lockdown.

In the first and even the second lockdown, I was forcing myself to be productive and it was horrible!

I hated myself. I was stressed out 24/7!

Here’s a list of some of the things I was trying to force myself to do each day

  • A workout
  • Journal
  • A jog
  • Wake up early
  • Yoga
  • Read
  • And so much more I just can’t remember it…

And yes, whilst some of this seems like it is easily attainable. It is just not realistic during a global pandemic.

I would beat myself so badly if I didn’t do any of these things every day.

But the reality of the situation was I quite simply did not have the energy to do these things every day.

And that is why I was so stressed out.

But, I started doing the same thing again!

I never learn…

I started making a list of things I wanted to do each day during this lockdown, then I was like WHAT! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS AGAIN!

Most days, I don’t have the energy to shower. DISGUSTENG!https://www.youtube.com/embed/FW_sy2D4i90?autoplay=0&mute=0&controls=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ridingthewaveblog.com&playsinline=1&showinfo=0&rel=0&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&enablejsapi=1&widgetid=1

And then I was feeling a bit like I have let myself down and started to sink into this pit of depression.

And it sounds so silly but then I saw Nelly London’s Instagram story and I was like ‘oh yeah! I do need to look after myself right now’

Anyway, she made me realize that I am not the only one feeling this way and that it is okay to take it easy right now.

Let me just say that again…

It is okay to take it easy right now

So, yes I have been being really lazy atm.

And yes, I hate wasting the day.

But, also…

I don’t care.

I am loving the fact that I spend most of the day eating.

I am loving that I spend all my time in my baby yoda pj’s!

I am also loving that I have stopped putting pressure on myself to lose the lockdown weight!

I hate how my body looks right now, but I love it at the same time, it is getting me through a pandemic!

I’m sorry I had no plan for this post, it’s really just me impulsively writing down how I’m feeling at the minute haha

I am basically treating every day like it’s Selfcare Sunday!

Also, Nelly London you are the best! <3

 

Dear Future Em,

How are you girl?

I’m okay, coping you know!

I hope you are treating yourself with kindness still!

I hope you have thrown away your list of things to do this week because you actually don’t have anything to do really do you haha.

You just make up things as you go along, don’t you!

Oh well,

I know we love a to-do list!

Let’s maybe just stop putting *cleaning* on the list every day.

I am actually getting to the point where I am sick of cleaning haha

No one needs to clean every day.

Take care of yourself,

Love, past Em x

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