Before I continue writing this post, I just want to say thank you so much to everyone that read my first blog post.
Right before I shared my blog on my social media, I felt like I was going to have a massive panic attack because I was super anxious!
But everyone who has read it has been so nice and supportive and I am so so so grateful <3
Anyway, I could write about that all day!
Welcome back to Riding the Wave!
So, I do have my blog post planned for today, but a few things have changed in the past few days, so I just want to take a second to open up and be a bit vulnerable with you all.
I started this year feeling so motivated and January has already been a whole roller coaster of emotions!
And it’s only the first week!
Overwhelmed is probably the only word to describe how I am feeling about going into another lockdown.
I, like so many others, have not been able to see my family for nearly a year now and it has had a massive effect on my mental health.
My family means so much to me, I already miss them a lot living so far away but not even being able to go and see them, especially knowing it’s going to be an even longer wait, has been really tough!
And going into what is now the third lockdown, it is a lot mentally to deal with, to say the least.
But I have incredibly supportive people in my life that I am so grateful for! And I know we will all get through this together and I will see my family again soon <3
So, let’s crack on!
Ok so, before we get into all the ‘new year, new me’ stuff.
I just want to take a second to look back at 2020.
I do not even know where to start with 2020, the whole year was just a mess!
That being said, boy did I learn a lot about myself in 2020.
The biggest thing I did learn about myself though was that I have a lot of mental health issues. If you know me, you know I joke about this a lot
(I really should stop doing that btw because it’s not actually funny *awkward laugh*)
But wow, I think I cried more this year than any other year of my life.
So yeah, looking back, I have learned that.
- I have a lot of issues
- I rely on other people for my happiness
- I do not take time to take care of myself
I could go on and make this list longer, but I think that is enough of that for now.
Personally, I feel like the best thing for me to do about this moving forward is I’m not going to try and tackle all these things at once. My poor little brain will not be able to handle that haha!
Plus I’m a bit scared to try and tackle all my issues at once lol
So, I feel like I’m going to start with the ‘easiest one’ and which is (drum roll please)
I do not take time to take care of myself.
This should be an easy fix, shouldn’t it? Like I can do that, can’t I?
*whispers* Where do I even start with this?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I literally don’t know how to take care of myself, I’m literally hopeless! I can take care of someone else but when it comes to me, I’m like nahhh.
I follow so many self-care accounts on Instagram in the hopes that someone will just tell me how to love myself, so I don’t have to figure it out for myself.
Stop rambling em!
Erm so, I think it all comes down to the fact that I don’t particularly like myself, and I haven’t for a long time and 2020 did not help this at all! If anything lockdown made me dislike myself more!
In my head, I’m like, why would I want to put my energy into taking care of someone that I don’t like? That is so depressing…
However, 2020 did teach me that taking care of myself is so much more important than taking care of someone else.
So, what now?
This is the part where I can be all ‘new year, new me’
Things are going to change around here.
From now on, the only thing I care about in 2021 is improving my mental health.
I am not one for making new year resolutions, mostly because I never keep them. Dry January is already out the window. No surprise there…
But I am going to make two goals for myself this year and they are.
- To learn how to love me
- To be more proactive in taking care of my mental health
Obviously, I know I can’t just achieve these goals overnight, so I’m thinking I’ll start small for now (baby steps)
And I am going to start by just taking time each week to do something for myself.
Like it could be anything! Reading a book, doing some skincare, playing my little ukulele…
But all I want is just a few hours each week where all my energy is focused on me and we’ll see how that goes 😊
I’ll keep you updated.
My only hope is that when I look at this blog post a year from now in 2022, that I am in a much better place mentally than what I am now.
And I know I said this in my last post, but this is what Riding the Wave is all about for me.
It is a chance for me to explore my thoughts and process them in a healthy, fun way.
This is something I just want to enjoy and explore!
I do not even know what to say to you right now girl. So, this probably will not be a long letter.
All I know is that for so long we struggled and battled with ourselves and we came so close to giving up, but things feel different this time em.
We have a fire lit under our a** and we will get there, I know we will.
So, keep putting up the good fight!
Love, Past Em x